Archive for December, 2008

Hellboy 2 is a mix of suspense, fantasy, action and a little bit of a love story. If you like movies with superheroes then you better watch Hellboy 2 which is a sequel to the 2004 film entitled Hellboy. It’s not a boring movie at all and you wouldn’t want to miss a thing.

The movie’s plot is interesting. Hellboy was told a bedtime story when he was still young by his adoptive father about the fight between man and other magical creatures. They built a golden army for their King Balor but the golden army killed a lot of humans with no mercy so King Balor made a truce with the humans so there won’t be any more blood shed. Creatures would stay in the forests while men keep the cities. His son though was unhappy and left in exile.

The army was controlled by the magical crown and it was broken into 3 pieces. One piece is with the humans, while the 2 pieces are with the creatures.

The arrival of Prince Nuada, King Balor’s son, began the story where he vowed to destroy the humans by getting all of the 3 parts of the crown. Little did he know that one of the parts is with his beloved twin, Princess Nuala who he can not hurt because he will also get hurt. Princess Nuala was protected by the team of Hellboy but she later decided to kill herself just so her twin would also die.

Related posts:

  1. Shrek 3 film review
  2. Once - movie review
  3. Fireflies in the Garden

The City of Ember

I just recently watched this movie and I would recommend it to those who love adventure movies that are kid-friendly. It’s about the city of Ember which is a city built underground by the builders who wanted to protect the people from the futile world. There was this case that has all the information needed for them to get out of that city just when it’s at the right time so they could start all over again in the outside world. The case was set to open only after 200 years and was passed on from the city’s mayor to mayor. Unfortunately, it was not passed on after the 7th mayor and that’s where the story had its start.

The stars in the movie are a young girl and a young boy. The girl is the direct descendant of the 7th mayor and she was able to find the case and discovered its hidden message. She, together with the young lad, followed the badly torn up directions but they managed to find the exit to the city of Ember. There, they saw the sun for the very first time and they realized that what’s on the outside was not all darkness as what was inculcated in their minds. It was just the right time too because it was at that time that the generator that powered the entire city was already failing.

I think the movie is okay and fun to watch as long as you don’t analyze everything about it. There are lots of flaws and the lack of explanation to the events such as how there were giant insects and how the story actually started. The end wasn’t very clear and open ended too. But, if you want to just have a good time with your kids then this is a great movie to watch.

Related posts:

  1. Full Battle Rattle, unconventional Iraq war documentary? Really?
  2. Chocolate and Chocolat
  3. Changeling aims for Oscars

I did this last year. It's a very lazy way of doing a year in review post. My favorite kind!

January:
[it is NEW YORK]
Waldo Lydecker: I remember that hot, hot day when Laura died...so hot, in fact, that when I received the officer investigating her murder, I was in the bathtub.

February:
When I think of bare-knuckle boxing, land rushes, and the Irish, I think of one man: THE CRUISE.

March:
They say if you can remember the 1960's, then you weren't there. Laura McClain sure wasn't.

April:
[it is OLD-TIMEY ENGLAND]
Keira Knightley: I have so many sisters! We're poor! Kind of! My mom is annoying! Let's go to a ball!

May:
[it is LOS ANGELES]
Insanely Adorable Child: La, la, la...my arm is broken, so I have to be in the hospital, which I apparently can wander around all the livelong day. But where is that note I wrote to the nice nurse?

June:
[it is AFGHANISTAN]
Robert Downey Jr: You can tell that I am insouciant by the fact that I am drinking scotch in a military vehicle. I'm so droll!

July:
Yes, technically this movie was released in 1990, but it must have been filmed in the 80s, so that's what I'm sticking with.

August:
I've been trying to write this one for years. YEARS, I tell you. I just love it so much, and have seen it so many times, and know so many lines...it's like trying to describe every mole and freckle on your own body to someone. A daunting task.

September:
[it is CLARK COUNTY]
Seth Rogen: I am perfect for the job of process server, because I am schlumpy and easy to forget. Also I have many costumes in my trunk. Off to serve some subpoenas!!
[he just SITS in his CAR and SMOKES POT]

October:
This movie is seriously great. Please do not use this condensed version as a substitute for the real thing. Also, A MILLION people are in it. It's great.

November:
Yes, I'm aware that this is a movie typically associated with a particular season, one we're not actually officially all up in yet (though Duane Reade has had Christmas candy for, like, weeks).

December:
[it is CALIFORNIA]
Jennifer Lopez: So many jobs! I'm a dogwalker and a temp and I design clothes and I am sassy!

[it is PHILLY]
Elisa Donovan: I don't remember what happened! My husband was threatening me and my baby while he was on the phone with another woman, so I hit him with a statue. But he was alive when I left him! ALIVE!
[there is a FLASHBACK showing the WHOLE THING in BLURRYVISION]
Cop: Well, he's dead now. So I guess you must have done it. I mean, you ARE bipolar, and people with bipolar disorder are known to be killers.
Her Sister: Don't worry, I'll take care of your baby while you're in prison.
[EIGHT YEARS later]
Elisa Donovan: I'm out! I'm finally out! I'm going to figure out once and for all who really killed my husband! It's a good thing I'm on this medication, or else my bipolar disorder would really make me crazy - literally! Ha ha!
Her Sister: Are you sure you want to do that? I am concerned for you here. You. Oh, and your son is conveniently on a trip to San Francisco right now, so we don't really have to deal with him.
Her Son: [on phone] Hi Mom! I'm glad you're out of jail! Bye!
Her Sister: Welcome to my sumptuous home. Settle in - I've got to go meet someone. You could take a shower if you want.
[Elisa Donovan gets in the SHOWER and her SISTER switches her MEDS with PLACEBOS]
Her Sister: Ha ha ha! My plan is working perfectly!
Blonde Dude: Soon, it will be just you and me, and we'll be rich and together!
[meanwhile, back at the SUMPTUOUS HOME]
The Sister's Husband: God. Why does this murderer have to stay with us? I mean, I know she's your sister, but she killed a dude. And it's my birthday! Whine whine whine.
[they go to his BIRTHDAY PARTY and everyone talks about CRIMINALS and Elisa Donovan SNAPS at everyone because her MEDS got SWITCHED]
Elisa Donovan: I feel so weird. Well, I'm going to talk to my dead husband's secretary to see if she has any information for me.
[she DOES, and the secretary DOES]
Elisa Donovan: Now my prison friend is going to help me hire a private investigator to look into everything!
Prison Friend: She's my friend Victor's cousin. Victor is quite attractive, by the by.
[the P.I. finds out that the HUSBAND had many AFFAIRS, including one with a RICH LADY who had a RED SPORTS CAR]
Her Sister: She's getting too close to the truth! We better kill some people.
Blonde Dude: Okay. But first, I will landscape your yard. That's not a euphemism. I am actually your landscaper.
The Sister's Husband: Oh, how I trust you, landscaper!
[the Blonde Dude STRANGLES the secretary and STABS the P.I.]
Elisa Donovan: Everyone is getting murdered! I must be getting too close to the truth!
[the Blonde Dude SHOOTS the Sister's Husband and puts the GUN in Elisa Donovan's HAND]
Elisa Donovan: I'm being fraaaaaaaaaaamed! But I don't know by whom!
Prison Friend: The P.I. told her cousin, my friend Victor, that she got some good information from a bartender. Let's talk to him.
Bartender: I already done told you - the broad had a red sports car!
Elisa Donovan: A red sports car? My sister had one of those! She must have killed my husband! And her own! Because of her greed! Whyyyyyyy?!?
[she CONFRONTS her sister and BLACKMAILS her]
Her Sister: I was jealous that you got all the attention because of your bipolar disorder, so I ruined your life.
Elisa Donovan: That...makes no sense. Meet me in an abandoned parking garage and give me half of your inheritance from your rich dead husband!
Her Sister: Okay. Psych! We're going to kill you.
Prison Friend: Oh, no you don't!
Victor: We have guns and will shoot you!
[they have a SHOOTOUT but it is SELF-DEFENSE and all the BAD PEOPLE die]
Elisa Donovan: Now I have the sumptuous home!
Victor: And how!
[they GAZE at each other as though they are LOVERS, though it has NEVER been MENTIONED]
[it is AMERICA]
Pretty Blonde: College is going to be so much fun! But Mom, I'm going to miss you so much! You're my best friend!
Nancy Travis: That's right, sweetheart! I can't handle your father's death, so our relationship is weirdly close. I'm sure that won't change once you go off to school.
Cute Brunette: Hi. I'm your new roommate. Let's get drunk.
[they DO, in COPIOUS amounts]
Pretty Blonde: Drinking is awesome!!
[she FUCKS some DUDE who never calls her again]
Pretty Blonde: Wait, drinking sucks!
[she gets MORE DRUNK]
Pretty Blonde: Wait, it's cool again!
Cute Brunette: I know, right?!?
[the DUDE calls her BACK and they go on a REAL DATE, but it turns out he has a GIRLFRIEND]
Pretty Blonde: But...I'm so pretty! Why can't I get a man? Let's just get drunk.
Sebastian from She's The Man: Do you want to hang out with me tonight?
Pretty Blonde: Naw! We gettin' drunk!!
[she is SO HUNG OVER she cannot go home for THANKSGIVING]
Nancy Travis: What is wrong with my little girl??
[she calls like A MILLION times]
Cute Brunette: You can't stay on campus alone for Thanksgiving. I'll stay too, and we'll have a sober weekend.
[they get TRASHED, again]
Pretty Blonde: Oh my god! I just woke up in a stranger's room! He called me by the wrong name! Maybe drinking isn't cool after all!
Cute Brunette: But I got us fake IDs!
Pretty Blonde: Oh, never mind. Drinking is awesome. Let's go to a bar and use our feminine wiles to get shots from cute boys.
Nancy Travis: What's with you? Are you drunk right now?
Pretty Blonde: No! Okay, yes.
Nancy Travis: No more drinking!
Pretty Blonde: Okay.
[she goes on SPRING BREAK, where MODERATION is key]
Spring Break Announcer: Tiiiiiiiiime for the WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!
Pretty Blonde: Oh my god, that's so trashy.
Cute Brunette: I know, right? We may be girls gone wild, but we keep our wildness private.*
[ten shots of TEQUILA later]
Pretty Blonde: Woooooooooo!
[she takes off her TOP and there is a CAMERA CREW]
Little Sister: Your boobs are all over the internet! Mom's gonna be so mad!!
Nancy Travis: This is getting out of control. Please stop drinking.
Pretty Blonde: Okay...suckaaaaaa!
[she gets trashed AGAIN and drives someone's CAR into a FIRE HYDRANT]
Pretty Blonde: Oh. Maybe I should stop drinking.
[this time, she DOES, for real]
Sebastian from She's The Man: Finally you have realized that you don't need to get wasted to find yourself.*
[they BONE]
Cute Brunette: Well, you can be sober all you want, but it's graduation, bitch! I'm getting TRASHED on the roof!
(Note: at this point, I actually checked to see how many minutes were left in the movie to see if it was plausible for the cute brunette to die. With 17 minutes left in the movie, I guessed it was about a 95% chance that the brunette would not see the end of the film alive.)
Pretty Blonde: Okay! Have fun! Call me!
[the Cute Brunette DOES NOT die on the ROOF, but DOES go to a FRAT PARTY]
Pretty Blonde: I better check on my friend.
[she goes to the FRAT HOUSE and her friend is there, but is DEAD from BOOZE]
Pretty Blonde: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[they have a CANDLELIGHT VIGIL]
Pretty Blonde: That could have been me. OR YOU. NEVER DRINK, EVER.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

This movie got me curious as it became #1 in the box office for its first week. I watched it to see what all the fuss is about and I must say it’s really a good movie. It’s a remake of a 1951 film of the same title.

The storyline is good and well thought of and there are some surprises in the movie as well. It’s an alien invasion but not in the way that we may have expected. It’s a great plot and with this movie, you’d get irritated with the human race and at the same time appreciate our own existence.

People can make a difference and this movie is in line with the whole issue about our environment and it can really open our eyes. Do we really need an outside force to let us all work hand in hand in saving our planet Earth from self-destructing? That’s what this movie made me realize and hopefully, this movie can open the eyes of as many people as possible.

Keanu Reeves is impressive in this movie. He did not do much in terms of action though, as this isn’t really an action film but Keanu gave the heart and the soul to the character. It’s pretty impressive but his Chinese accent is quite laughable especially if you understand Chinese. But, since it’s a part of his character, I would still give him high marks for trying.

All in all, this film is pretty good and entertaining from the beginning up to the very end. I just wished there was something more to the ending though.

Related posts:

  1. Seven Pounds film review
  2. Changeling aims for Oscars
  3. The City of Ember


[it is AMERICA]
Pretty Brunette: Being eight and a half months pregnant is hard! Especially when you're a single mother with a high-powered advertising job. But I can do it! I'm a modern woman!
Her Doctor: Whoa there, your blood pressure's pretty high. I'm going to recommend you take advantage of our visiting nurse service. They'll come to your house, so you don't have to interrupt your busy schedule of being a high-powered advertising executive.
[she makes an APPOINTMENT with the HOME NURSE, but not before getting a SWEET PROMOTION at work]
Pretty Brunette: Sweet! Now I'll paint my baby's room and make a video while I do so!
[she leaves the CAMCORDER on and sets it DOWN, which no one has EVER ACTUALLY DONE, but is CONVENIENT for PLOT PURPOSES]
Visiting Nurse: Hi! I'm the nurse here to take your blood pressure. Do you like my wig? Yes, it's a wig. Anyone that thinks this hair is not a wig is blind. Here, take these "vitamins."
Pretty Brunette: Thanks, visiting nurse! Whoa, I feel weird!
[she has a NIGHTMARE or something and GIVES BIRTH in a TORRENT of BLOOD]
Doctors: Sorry, your baby died.
Pretty Brunette: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Long-Haired Man: Hi. I called your work and they said you were on maternity leave, and then I did the math, and I'm pretty sure you were about to have my baby. Thanks for not telling me before you skipped town.
Pretty Brunette: We've been OVER this, but for the benefit of everyone else: I had to move to take the sweet job I was offered! And you had to stay at your job! The baby was a surprise! Okay? And now she's dead. That visiting nurse didn't even help.
Doctor:
Oh, you used the visiting nurse service? We'll look into that.
[they discover that there is NO NURSE by that name]
Lady Detective: I am investigating you for the death of your baby. We suspect...YOU.
Pretty Brunette: But! What about the nurse? She was very suspicious!
[there is LITERALLY NO TRACE that a nurse was ever at her house]
Pretty Brunette: Something crazy is happening! They "accidentally" cremated my baby. What the fuck.
Long-Haired Man: As your dead-baby daddy, I will help you investigate. Look! I used the video you fortuitously accidentally took and got a license plate number from the Ford Taurus in the driveway.
[they TRACK DOWN some INFORMATION and go to a TRAILER PARK]
Pretty Brunette: I heard you recently lost your baby.
Trailer Park Woman: Yeah? What's it to you? I can't even pay my phone bill.
Pretty Brunette: ...and yet she has a nice Ford vehicle. Suspicious!!
[they go to ANOTHER HOUSE and STAKE it OUT]
Pretty Brunette: That's her! That's the nurse! But now she is not wearing the wiggiest wig that ever did wig.
[she STEALS the woman's MAIL and also ATTEMPTS to break in, but the POLICE show up in like ONE SECOND]
Black Detective: What's this I hear about a crazy nurse and a dead baby?
Pretty Brunette: That woman stole my baby! I saw a baby bottle in her house! That proves it!!
[meanwhile, in a BACK ALLEY]
Visiting Nurse Who is Now a Slightly Less-Pretty Brunette Than the Main One: Our plan is being foiled! We need to get this done NOW!
Sketchy Dude: Okay. I'm on it.
Pretty Brunette: I'll use this phone bill I stole to figure some more stuff out.
[one of the NUMBERS is for an ADOPTION AGENCY, which is WAY SUSPICIOUS]
Long-Haired Dude: Let's go check it out. We can pretend to be married. Perhaps that will rekindle our former romance. I mean, it might.
[they go to the AGENCY and the guy who runs it is the SKETCHY DUDE and you're like SHIT because YOU KNOW what's happening but THEY DON'T]
Pretty Brunette: Well, looks like we'll have to break into this adoption agency after hours. I'm getting a weird feeling about this place.
Long-Haired Dude: In the meantime, let's make out in the car.
[they DO]
Pretty Brunette: Look! A paper trail!
[they find, like, A LOT of evidence proving that their baby is ALIVE and being SOLD to the highest BIDDER]
Pretty Brunette: Listen, I figured it all out! I'm not crazy!
Lady Detective: Hmmm...though you have been telling me that for the whole movie, I now choose to believe you.
[the BABY EXCHANGE is about to occur but is THWARTED by the Pretty Brunette's INGENUITY]
Lady Detective: So, it turns out that the Trailer Park Lady had a stillborn baby that they switched with yours. The "vitamins" were sedatives and pitocin. You were right all along. So, here's your baby.
Long-Haired Dude: I quit my job to move here to be with you and our baby!
Pretty Brunette: Ha ha! That is hilarious! Because I just quit MY job! Now we are broke...but together. With our baby.
[they lay on a BLANKET in a PARK]
This isn't a poster, rather a screencap of the ad for the movie. TV movies are hard. This was also a particularly strange movie to watch, since I was once in a play called True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl, which is totally a) not the same thing as this movie and b) like a million times better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is CHICAGO, but probably actually TORONTO]
Cute Brunette: Mom, Dad...I'm not going to law school. I want to be an actor. If you'd seen the establishing shot of my bedroom with a very prominent Shakespeare book, you'd know that.
Mom and Dad: Well, WE won't be paying for it! That is not a real school! More cliched sentiments against acting!
Her Boyfriend: I support you. But you still need to get a job in the makeup department of a mall.
[she goes to ACTING SCHOOL and meets a HOT GIRL in a FEDORA]
Hot Blonde: You should let my boyfriend take new headshots of you. I just met you, but we are BFF now. We'll give you a deal.
Cute Brunette: Okay.
[she goes to their APARTMENT and meets the SEXUALLY-CHARGED boyfriend]
Blonde's Boyfriend: Yes. Yes, I know what to do with you. But first...stay for dinner.
[she DOES, and they drink WINE and the Hot Blonde and her boyfriend MAKE OUT at the dinner table]
Blonde's Boyfriend: Oh, I need some money. Can you get me some cash out of your tackle box containing thousands of dollars before you go to work?
Hot Blonde: Sure. My money is so secure in that tackle box! Now, Cute Brunette, come to work with me.
[they go to a GO-GO CLUB and the Cute Brunette is SCANDALIZED]
Corbin Bernsen: I own this club, and I think you're pretty cute. You should get up there. You don't have to strip down to nothing, since it's just go-go! It's easy!
Cute Brunette: Ha ha ha! That is a ludicrous idea!
[she realizes how BROKE she is]
Acting Teacher: This semester, you'll be doing a character study. I want you to eat, sleep, and breathe your character, and then you'll do your audition monologue as that character. I'm not sure how this will help you in your real career, but this is acting school, not reality.
Cute Brunette: Wait a minute! I can use the go-go dancer as my character study! And make money at the same time! I'll do it! All I need for a new look is to push my bangs the other way.
[she goes to the CLUB and dances AWKWARDLY in her STREET CLOTHES, which involve JEANS and BOOTS that she has to take off, yet SOMEHOW the crowd LOVES her anyway]
Hot Blonde: Wow, you're a natural! Come back to the dressing room and meet the girls.
Rachel Hunter: Hi, I'm a longtime go-go dancer who started out supporting myself through school, but then got pregnant and now dance to support my daughter. How can I be this hot at 40? It's a mystery.
[the Cute Brunette becomes a SUPERSTAR at the CLUB and is moved to PRIME TIME]
Hot Blonde: I'm jealous! But it's okay, I still have a boyfriend and a tackle box full of cash.
[the Blonde's Boyfriend STEALS all the CASH and DISAPPEARS]
Hot Blonde: Oh. Never mind. Guess I'll start doing coke again.
Cute Brunette: I could never do coke! Now I am supporting you. Please don't put our rent money up your nose.
Hot Blonde: Whatever! Whatever! I'm gonna do my act HIGH! JUST WATCH!
[the Hot Blonde FLASHES the CROWD and gets a FINE from the Health Department and gets FIRED]
Hot Blonde: Whatevs. I'll get a job at that other club...the one where you can be nude.
[meanwhile, in the DOUBLE LIFE of the Cute Brunette]
Mom and Dad: You don't work at the makeup counter anymore! And your bangs - they're pushed the other way. What's up with you? We are concerned. But not really concerned enough to investigate further.
Douchey Brother: I'm getting married! I went to business school! I'm a douche!
Cute Brunette: You guys are lame. Peace.
[she goes to the JOB INTERVIEW with the Hot Blonde at the NUDE CLUB]
Nude Club Owner: Well, we can always use a dominatrix act, but you'll need bigger boobs than those 34Ds. However, your friend the Cute Brunette can have a job.
Cute Brunette: I'll take it!
[she gets BUSTED by her dad, brother, and boyfriend]
Dad: I'm so disappointed in you...we're just here because of your brother's bachelor party. You're my daughter. Those are just strippers.*
Cute Brunette: Every girl here is someone's daughter.*
Acting Teacher: Okay, let's try your monologues again.
Cute Brunette: [performs a HELENA monologue and it is TERRIBLE]
Acting Teacher: You're kicked out!
Cute Brunette: What?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hot Blonde: My life is falling apart! I need those boobs!
[they go to the Douchey Brother's fiancee's BRIDAL SHOWER]
Mom: I'm giving these heirloom diamond earrings to your brother's fiancee.
Cute Brunette: But I wanted those!
Hot Blonde: I'll get them for you...and then pawn them to pay for my unnecessary boob job.
[she DOES, and then she DIES on the operating table because of COCAINE]
Cute Brunette: What has my life become??
[she watches her AUDITION TAPE for ACTING SCHOOL and sees that ONCE, she was a TERRIBLE ACTRESS who was NOT a stripper]
Cute Brunette: Oh, how fondly I remember those days...the days when I wasn't a stripper...and was completely inept at interpreting Shakespeare. Well, at least some things never change. I'm still a terrible actress. Wait! That gives me an idea! I won't act at all!
[she CONVINCES her acting teacher to let her do a SELF-WRITTEN monologue, also known as CAREER SUICIDE, but she WOWS EVERYONE, including her BOYFRIEND, who is THERE because he is SUPPORTIVE]
Her Boyfriend: I brought you some flowers. Sorry you spiraled into a world of cocaine, strippers and death. Let's go home and think about what is sure to be a lucrative acting career for you.

[it is CALIFORNIA]
Tori Spelling: Sigh. Being in college AND having a job is so hard! I wish I hadn't been raised by a single mother who owns a bakery or something that I have to work at.
Roommate:
You're never around! You don't have any friends! You just hang out with my friends! But we would like you if you weren't so lame!
Tori Spelling: But! I have to study! I'm going to be a doctor! Can't you tell I am smart by my glasses?
One of Her Roommate's Friends: Well, I'm going to call this escort service that is hiring and leave YOUR name and phone number as a hilarious prank! Even though you are sitting right here. And it's not really a prank.
Seven of Nine: Hi. Is this the girl who called before? You sounded sexy.
Tori Spelling: Uh...that was a joke. My friends did it.
Seven of Nine: Well, you still sound sexxxxayyyy. Come over for a party!
Tori Spelling: Well...I AM really easily persuaded, and I do enjoy situations in which I feel uncomfortable and awkward. I'll go.
[she GOES and the house is GLAMOROUS and the boss is VERY TAKEN with her]
Seven of Nine: You should work with us. It's so fabulous!
The Boss: You don't have to sleep with the guys if you don't want to.
Tori Spelling: But...my morals!! Oh well, I like money.
[she goes on "DATES" with "CLIENTS" and does not sleep with them]
Tori Spelling: Having money is awesome!
The Brother from Seventh Heaven: Hey, bakery girl, you are cute. Let's go on a date!
Tori Spelling: Wow, now I have money AND a boyfriend! Sweet!
[she LEADS a DOUBLE LIFE and is TIRED all the time]
One Client: I paid $500 for you! You better put out!
Tori Spelling: Well, then you'll get a refund!*
The Boss: Sleep with him! I SAID SLEEP WITH HIM!
[she WEEPS as the client CARESSES her BODY]
Her Mom: You seem different.
Tori Spelling: I'm not! I'm not!!!
[she goes to an ORCHESTRA HALL to SERVICE a CONDUCTOR]
The Maestro: They wouldn't know Mahler from Metallica!* Now, go over there and dance while I play a Chopin prelude that is essentially undanceable.
Tori Spelling: What am I doing? Oh, my life is spiraling out of control!
Seventh Heaven: I'm going to law school in New York! But if you want me to stay, I'll stay. There are lots of good law schools in Southern California.*
Tori Spelling: Just - stay away! STAY AWAYYYYY!
[she goes to her BOSS, who is actually her PIMP, and tries to QUIT but he threatens her MOM]
Tori Spelling: Don't hurt my mom! I'll do whatever you want!
[she continues WHORING]
Tori Spelling: Okay, for real, I am quitting.
Pimp: You can only quit if I can fuck you...at gunpoint.
Tori Spelling: No! Wait, I mean...sure...suuuuuuuuuure.
[she DISTRACTS him and takes the GUN and fucking SHOOTS him]
Tori Spelling: Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
[she gets ARRESTED for ATTEMPTED MURDER because dude is STILL ALIVE]
Tori Spelling: I wasn't there!
Her Lawyer: DON'T LIE TO ME.
Tori Spelling: Okay, I totes was. I just didn't want to disappoint my mom!!
[she pleads NOT GUILTY by reason of SELF-DEFENSE and though they have literally NO REASON to acquit her, the jury DOES]
Seventh Heaven: I'll still be your boyfriend.

*hahahahaha

Lifetime Movies Redux


Since it was so successful last time, and since the Lifetime Movie Network provides 24 hours a day of ridiculous TV movies - it's on again.